LarimdaME Does Regret
It's still late, but I did want to get this of my chest before I went to bed. And yes, it is more melodrama about the flickr meetup, so if you're sick of that and The Gates, I recommend visiting kottke.org for some hilarious linkfilter.
Anyway, I was a little off my game due to being late. I'm normally really uneasy about these things, as I'm generally not good with people (or robots), and there's that whole intimidation bit about meeting people you've only known online. I don't like to do these things late, because by the time you get there people have already formed their social circles, and then you're left to fight your way in or talk to the stragglers (which is OK, but it usually means you miss out on the great conversations). Of course, I don't like to get there early, because I know nobody, and then it's just a matter of me standing around and nursing my pathetic mug of beer until things pick up.
This time around I resolved to make it different. I actually put some care into my appearance, like shaving off cycle (I prefer a 2 day cycle. Even though I get a lot of stubble in the second day, everyday shaving doesn't agree with my skin; it needs a day's rest.), and actually choosing a tie that coordinated with my shirt. I rehearsed witty lines in my head, and even did a little refresher on flickr so I could be sure to confer with the people I admire and
learn their great style.
And then, thanks to work, I got there late. And as I feared, I was stuck on the edge of a tightly knit circle (literally). Thankfully Nachosan suggested moving to the back where there was more room to spread around. And of course, Nachosan and Mrs. Nachosan
, and I had to have our Gates reunion. Which, of course, meant that the others were now blocked out for about half an hour.
And that's where I made an ass of myself the first time.
For you see, a photographer I both admire and fear showed up even later then I, youngna
. And as I was just not 15 minutes before, she was in the uncomfortable zone of being outside. So, of course, I greeted her with a rather rude declaration that she was driving me nuts with the flash at last night's Movable Hype concert. Which, in even my beer addled brain, I knew was not the way to start things off. Rather defensively, I turned my attention back to the group, and I didn't bother to try and make her, or her friend who arrived 10 minutes later, seem rather welcome. Which made me feel pretty bad when they both left after 5 minutes.
Don't get me wrong, I'm sure she has 1,000% times more self confidence then I, and gets to meet more cool funky people by lunch then I do in a month (I'm a bit of a recluse). Besides, she didn't seem like she was all that interested to begin with, and she had her (even later) friend. But that's not the point. The point is that I can't stand to be on the outside being ignored, and I always love it when somebody takes the effort to invite me into the thick of the mix. Therefor, when I am in a position where I can actually be the welcomer, I should always
take up that role with gusto, because it's the Right Thing To Do. Oh, that and the fact that I wanted to sponge off as much knowledge from her as possible (Did I mentions that I admire her work).
Thankfully, I managed to redeem myself by meeting tauntingpanda, whom I've admired greatly for some time now. He was cool in so many ways. He even let me handle his D70, of which I'll get to in a moment. Wolfey
was another whom I missed out on, as was elliott of slower.net
. Although I had some nice chats with birdw0rks
and company, I didn't make the connection with flickr song until today, so I didn't really know what to say. And they didn't really know me either. Oh, and I abandoned JoeInQueens a bunch of times. Some small faux pas, but nothing too serious, until I ran into Sabrina.
You see, the thing is that I am not a photographer. Not yet anyway. I'm just a hobbyist, who happens to deal with pictures. I know the stats and techniques in an academic way, but to actually use it is beyond me. F-stops, ISO, metering, focal length, I know what they mean but not what they do or how to use any of it. As tauntingpanda correctly pointed out, I postmeter my pictures. Which is to say, I take a picture, see what's wrong, and then make the adjustment, often 4 or 5 times in a row. Sabrina Usher
, on the other hand, is all pro. And serious about her work, which she's been doing for apparently some time. And she knows her equipment, and she's passionate about it. None of these things are bad, and I'm quite the equipment whore myself. I convince myself that it's the equipment holding me back, not my lack of innovative artistic vision. I'm trying to change, and I'm always trying to watch what I say, so that I don't get trapped in a conversation about equipment instead of vision. What that means, however, is that after about 10 minutes of talking with Sabrina, I had had enough.
And this is part A of why I'm a horse's ass. Because I got sick of hearing her talk about cameras, and yet I couldn't stop going on and on and on (even now) about the Canon Digital Rebel and the Nikon D70. So I'm a big flaming hypocrite.
The part B gets better. Birdw0rks and Co. cleared out, and in talking with JoeInQueens, I mentioned (with a big dramatic hand motion for the love of Pete) that I thought they were all cool except for Sabrina who kept going on and on and on (picture hand opening and closing in imitation of yapping mouth). Of course, Sabrina hadn't left, she was actually sitting right in front of me, I just didn't notice.
I know. Smooth.
And then, after making a big deal of how I regretted not sitting with either rion
or the mexican
, I closed out the night by ditching joeinqueens (again!) and chatting it up with Evill1, girlhattan
, and a very late seanich
, totally ignoring Sabrina.
For another half hour.
Yeah, a horse's ass I am indeed.
And she's not even in flickr, near as I can tell, which made things really hard to converse. She's all pro, so I can't ask her questions about how she discovered that light setup or that lens. I haven't seen her work outside the portfolio she brought. I haven't been commenting or seeing trends on her photostream in flickr. I mean I had nothing to really go on besides equipment, and I'm trying to move my focus away from that. Plus, being all pro, she's so full of self confidence that I feel like our conversations were more like lectures. And I really wanted to chat with seanich, plus Evill1 and Girlhattan were so totally cracking me up every 10 seconds.
But that doesn't excuse my poor behavior towards Sabrina. Because that wasn't anywhere near The Right Thing To Do. So if you're reading this Sabrina (you probably aren't), my apologies, for I am a horse's ass indeed.
Actually, I'd better apologize everyone in general last night. I wasn't on my best behavior at all.
On the plus side, i found out that Rion knows who I am. I mean, it's not that big a deal (to me) that she might know the mexican or Nachosan, these guys are totally stunning in their body of work. But I'm just a hack with a 2 megapixel point and shoot. To know that a 2005 Bloggies nominated Photoblogger of the Year knows who you are (in a good way), well, that can't help but
make your day.