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A Jackie/Six production

Sunday, February 27, 2005 |
Rooftop Privacy
Let's get things straight. If you want to canoodle around, make out, have sex (to put it bluntly), and you want some privacy when you do it, GET A ROOM. If you're making out, on your roof, in the center of a metropolitan area populated by at least 8 million people, and expected any "privacy", I'm sorry to break the bad news, but you are a moron. If you make out in The Ramble in Central Park, if you make out in a street basement stairwell, if you get all naked in your own apartment with the curtains open, you should know not to expect any privacy. Why, oh why, would you expect any more if you fooled around IN THE OPEN, without benefit of glass or trees or anything above or around you? Unless you are doing it inside the radio antenna atop the Empire State Building, there is ALWAYS a building taller then yours, and as such anybody can see what you're up to. So take your "privacy" objections and stick it where the sun don't shine (which, btw, is a good starting point for picking a private rendezvous spot - start with places the sun doesn't directly shine down on), you're getting in the way of the REAL story. The REAL story, which the news apparently decided to ditch in favor of some T&A (how suprising), is that all this high tech equipment and costly police overtime is being wasted on really low grade porn. Let's do a cost comparison. Police helocopter equipped with IR scope and all other sorts of goodies $1million with a lifespan of 20,000 flying hours (we're beaing REAL conservative here, actual cost has got to be around $3million at least). Salary for Pilot, Co-Pilot (again, being conservative, I would think there would be a third camera operator) about $30/hr. Fuel, maintenance for flying hours, overtime, nighttime bonus, we'll just lump together at $500 per takeoff with each flight lasting 10 hours. Just going by the clips on TV, let's assume bored police camera operator spent a total of 10 minutes watching the couple. $8 of amortized helocopter cost, $10 wage cost, $8 cost of flying charge, for a total of $26 for 10 minutes of really terrible softcore porn (with no nudity). Or, if you roll it up into 60 minutes, $156/hour of poor quality porn. Typing in "porn" in brings up Jenna Jameson: Essential" for $17.99 (and a run time of 180 minutes ... 2 HOURS). And it feaures people actually getting NAKED to boot! And let's not forget WHY the chopper is up there to begin with. It's up there to coordinate the police action down below. It's up there to spot activities that could harm or disrupt fellow officers' actions down below. It's up there to spot snipers. It's up there to spot guys running away. It's up there to fight crime and terrorism. And every second that's not spent looking at the action, scanning for snipers, or coordinating the police movement below, is a complete waste of taxpayer money and police time. Remember, this little peepshow wasn't during down time, this was during an active police action, namely the mass arrest of the Critical Mass protest. What if an offcer had gotten seriously hurt? What if it had gotten violent? What if a bomb had been planted and the suspect ran off? If the chopper had been in a position to see it, and had lost it because they were watching 2 nobodies making out, those helocopter cops should be doing some jailtime too. Don't forget, one of the tools in the criminal arsenal is the art of the distraction. We hear the same message every Christmas when being warned about pickpockets. Don't be distracted. If there's a big commotion, be alert! It may be a ruse by accomplices to distract you while the pickpocket strikes. The same need to remain alert carries over to larger crimes, including terrorism. This whole episode is a great primer on how to render police helocopter surveillence ineffectual. Hire some strippers to dance on a roof, and then while the horny chopper operators are distracted make your big criminal strike. Hell, you can even save some money and not hire strippers, just two moderately decent looking people is all you need. They, apparently, don't even need to take off their clothes. This is basic stuff. You get distracted by the couple, OK that's human nature. They're not a threat, move on and keep alert. Every time you pan the camera back is an opportunity for a coordinated attack to take place. And if you think I'm being paranoid, just remember that the hallmark of Al Quida is relentless planning and highly sophisticated attacks. In summary: Mr. Police Dude, if you're bored I'll GIVE you $20, just watch the fucking porn on your own time, not on the job.


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