Desert of the Mind [v1.5 Beta]

Vital Stats

[Current Project]
Flickrati NYC
ID: Public
Pwd: Public
CutePDF Writer



Linky Love

Blogroll Me!

Most Populor

Snapfish vs. ...
Shoprite Can Can
QE2 & QM2
Eilot Shepard reception at Jen Bekman Gallery

A Jackie/Six production

Tuesday, March 08, 2005 |
The Subway Rant ... Again
If you thought that 40 minute to travel from Wall Street to Union Square was enough time, you'd be wrong. If you thought that it would only take 20 minutes for a train to turn around at Bowling Green, you'd be wrong. If you thought that 3 trains running in the opposite direction, one stop away from the end of the line, meant a train was coming in your direction, you'd be wrong. If you thought that an announcement would be made when a major line was completely shut down, you'd be wrong. If you thought that there would be extra trains running on the line that actually goes to Brooklyn, you'd be wrong. If you thought that a Coney Island Bound N train would come at least once in a half hour during the tail end of rush hour, you'd be wrong. If you thought that said N train would come before 3 Coney Island bound D trains, 3 Manhatten bound D trains, 3 Manhatten bound N trains, 3 Bay Ridge bound R trains, and 3 Manhatten bound R trains; you'd be wrong. If you thought that the subway was for actually moving people around, you'd be wrong wrong wrong. So, what lessons can be learned? 1) If the platform is empty, then fills, followed by an announcement of a delay, WALK. Give it up. The announcement always comes 10 minutes after useful, and the problem is never adequately fixed until at least 10 minutes after the announcement. In many cases you can literally crawl to another line and still beat your time if you waited. Hell, in half the scenarios a brisk walk to your destination will beat your wait time. 2) Pay no heed to the morons, they are aplenty. Train pulls up, and it's packed ... at the door. You see plenty of room in the middle? Push, shove, say "excuse me" in that tone of voice that tells people you don't mean it and that they're all idiots, do what it takes to get into the good zone. You'll get a lot of angry looks after the fact, but these will be the same morons that are packed on top of each other so tightly that they can't grab a handrail and fall on top of each other at every acceleration/deceleration. Meanwhile you, the big rude, will have plenty of personal space, a handrail to hold, and can pass the time oogling the 3 pretty girls sitting all around you. 3) Never give up a seat opportunity, except for the obviously disabled/old/or pregnant, and even then, take the seat first, then offer it. I watched this short chinese guy I will call Lurch dive impotently after every seat that openned up, only to be out maneuvered. So when a seat right in front of me openned, I tapped his shoulder and pointed it out to him. Lurch's response? He gave me the evil eye for the next 7 stops as if I had just taken his wallet. Didn't stop him from taking the seat, tho, which makes him mildly smarter then I. 4) If you really need to get someplace important, take a fucking cab. Sure it costs $40 a block, but you'll avoid the stress spike, and that adds up to years of happy life you'd otherwise waste getting angry underground. If you have to take the subway, budget an extra hour, even if it's just two stops away (especially if it's only 2 stops away). 5) Relax. The MTA really IS conspiring to screw over your subway ride every time, every day. You've seen the system, all that money they borrow for the capital budget obviously does not go into track or tunnel maintenance. It's plowed into a giant computer in Queens that tracks your movement via metrocard, and then sends every train in the system on every track, except the one you need. Flexible plans? You can take any one of three trains that comes first (ex: Downtown A, C, or D at Columbus Circle)? The computer knows, and will be sure to send no less then 5 trains in the opposite direction until your blood pressure reaches a predetermined limit that will shave a month off your life. The computer is that good. What do you expect for $10 billion?

Comments: Post a Comment
Listed on Blogwise
Blogarama - The Blog Directory
Powered By Blogger TM    Weblog Commenting and 

Trackback by Jackie/Six Productions Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.